The Skyrim Special Edition Butterfly Affect
Butterfly's in Bethesda's new Skyrim Special Edition have nearly been hunted to extinction by the locals, they are simply so beautiful that every one must have one framed on there wall.
The new graphical enchantments that changed dull & gloomy Skyrim had a major impact on the little helpless butterfly's making them more valuable then a bar of gold. Jarl's across Skyrim are taking drastic measures as animal rights group Green Peace threatens that they will have get involved and try to stop this insane carnage.
Singes that read "Butterfly Wing Plucking Free Zone, Between the Hours of 6am - 11pm, Fines up to 5000 Septims" now litter the ever so beautiful landscape of the SSE.
Regardless of the drastic measures the numbers of Butterfly's keeps on mysteriously dropping, and now Lunar Moths have been also included on the Endangered Spices List
As the shadow of financial claps looms over Skyrim, Media outlets across Skyrim are coming forward and are revealing the magnitude of the sandal. The front page of ~THE TAMRIEL TIMES~ read like this QUOTE: "A dramatic drop in Luna Moth numbers" & "They are being targeted by invisible, healthy, light armored alchemists"
Potions of Minor Healing today reached the new record price of 830septims per bottle. The Skyrim Stock Market collapsed again for the third day strait, as Jarls & Thanes rushed to sell there shares. It has been rumored that they are investing there shares in a more respectable offshore Panama-based service provider called Mossack Fonseca
A spokes man for the Skyrim Treasury said: "Its not our fault we took such drastic measures by banning wing plucking, people where complaining, and animal rights groups where about to get involved in the case." continuing he said: "Its the greedy Alchemist Corporation that has failed to show any compassion to its heavy users & potion addicted customers by jacking up the price, if you want to place any blame, they have caused this financial chaos"
In other related news Pro Ban Wing Plucking Supporters clashed yesterday with members of the greedy Alchemist Corporation in Solitude. Angelina's Aromatics was burnt to the ground in retaliation for her over priced potions & for selling butterfly wings under the counter. Due to the Civil unrest across Skyrim, it can now be revealed form leaked footage from the Pentagon on Wiki Leaks that there has been a steady build up of Military Forces along the Imperial & Stormcloack borders & that its only a mater of time before this breaks out into the second Skyrim Civil War!...........read more
Werewolves: You don’t have to feel like a lost little puppy! After an extensive research of 2 years and with over 3millon werewolves participating in tests & working with their local practitioner’s we can finally reveal to you 5 easy steps you can take to make your life as a werewolf happy & fulfilling & avoid the long arm of the Law.
Step 1: By Law in most countries on Earth it is compulsory to get microchip, that way if you ever lose yourself, all you have to do is walk into your closest Vet & they will contact you to come and pick yourself up, small fee might apply.
Step 2: It is advised to use a leash on yourself, when you take yourself for walk to the park, also take some small plastic bags for when you want take a crap in the bush. It is advise to leave your self-tied up on a pole whilst you do your shopping, and if you leave yourself in the car please leave a widow slightly open for fresh air & so you don’t come back and find your beloved self-dead from the Heat.
Step 3: You will be arrested for urinating on poles with the excuse that you are marking your territory & it does not help chasing after the cop car as it is trying to leave!
Step 4: make sure you get all your shots & flea treatments, rabies & frantic scratching is not a good way to socialize, especially if you’re looking for that special [censored] to bear your children.
Step 5: our study shows that most common injuries to a werewolf are dislocated ankles, knees, and hips from trying to scratch that itch behind the ear, it is STRONGLY RECOMMENDED do not attempt in human form.